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God and Grief

The last 24 hours has shown me the reality of grief. Deep, heart-wrenching grief. I experienced a raw and unexpected moment with a family member who lost their spouse a few months ago. She began to weep at the breakfast table, letting a waterfall of tears express her feeling of deep loss for her husband. She said she missed holding his hand. She missed going to the store with him. She missed the small, simple aspects of life with him. Her uncontrollable sobs echoed in the home, and I kneeled beside her, her hand grasping mine.
"I feel like God is testing me, and I don't know how much I can handle."
Instead of sorrow, I felt perfect peace in that moment. Yes, my heart hurt for her. Yet something inside of me felt extremely grateful for her tears. Grateful for raw emotion. Such a gift. The gift of sharing her pain, seeing her admit her weakness and ultimately expose her humanity. She cried hysterically, in shoulder quaking and snot pouring sobs. And she was beautiful.
It is difficult to describe with words because the feeling was so strong, but I'm going to try. She said she could hear his voice saying, "Let's go," and I could hear the echo of his deep voice, ushering her to move forward and keep fighting. Deeper than that, God was speaking to her. He is present in her grief and holds her fragile heart.
I know nothing of such sorrow. I cannot fathom the depth of pain or the intensity of that loneliness, but I know the role of my God whose presence never leaves us. He is there in the quietness of our hearts and the chaos of our lives. I am saddened by her grief, and I am also honored for the gift if this time with her.
The loss of a loved one is painstakingly real. May these words not merely paint a mirage of hope, but instead encourage you with the truth of God's never ending presence, even in the depths of despair.

All my love,
Gennavieve

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